Java typed with determination and focus as she was prone to do in these situations:

An open letter to Kelly Ripa –

Dear Kelly Ripa:
We don’t know each other and I doubt that the circumstances of our existences will ever allow our paths to cross.

I probably would not even be aware of you or your work had I not been down with the flu over the past few days. My couch is my refuge while fighting unpleasant germs. I keep the TV on for noise and after one light nap, I woke up and there you were Kelly Ripa, on my TV.

You appeared to be having a good time.

I watched for a while through my itchy, watery eyes and wondered what force of nature brought Kelly Ripa into my home? The content of your program seemed very close to what my grandmother called, “blather,” yet I was compelled to look you up on the Internet and was surprised to see that some, including the Hollywood Reporter, and your audience (Were they provided cocktails at some point?!), consider you to be kind of a big deal.

It’s probably the cold capsules talking, but I may admire what looks like your ability to turn a minimal amount of talent into some sort of industry. My friend Thurma would say, “You go girl!” I have a minimal amount of talent and I was able to parlay that into a mid-line desk job filled with the joys of a steady, but modest paycheck and the dangers of potential paper cuts.

I could not watch your entire program. It’s probably the cold capsules talking, but it hurt my head. I did better with the sound off for a little while, but the voice of my grandmother said something about, “visual blather” and I turned the channel to some show about how to protect the leather interior of my car. I don’t have a leather interior.

While I mentioned at the beginning that our paths may never cross, I feel now as though, in some small way, they have. I will be able to identify you, but I probably would not approach you. I see us as just nodding at each other to acknowledge what we both know and then moving on with our days.

Stay well Kelly Ripa. Your one day future acquaintance – Java.