Category Archives: Humor

Thank You Note

On the outside of the card was a puppy sitting nose to nose with a kitten. On the inside it read:

Hey you, just a quick note to say thanks!

Thanks to the dedicated way you stick to your sense of correctness, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Thanks for the way you meddle. Thanks for always being there when the chips are down with a hearty, ‘I told you so.’ Thanks for never letting me forget any mistake I’ve made. Thanks for being oblivious to the obvious and blatant social cues others gently provide in order to help you correct your course. Thanks for knowing everything and sharing that knowledge with everyone…all the time. Thank you for the oh so many things you are…and aren’t, for whenever we’re together, and I don’t punch you in the face, it means I have found a deeper sense of understanding, forgiveness and fortitude within me that makes me a stronger person overall. Especially that time when I was carrying that 2 x 4.

So thank you.

Stay frosty.

Blinded

After 12 hours of staring at a computer screen in a rather dull and lifeless hive of cubicles, Calliope stepped out into the brilliant afternoon sun.

The light and heat washed over her and she squinted so hard from the immediate impact that tiny tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Undaunted by the light, she forged ahead, her goal – to get as far away from this building and that computer as she could. Her eyes would adjust. She just needed to go.

As she made her way down the three short steps to the sidewalk, she failed to see the bicycle chained to the railing.

It was then that Calliope crashed to the ground.

Refresh

Polly tapped ‘refresh’ over an over again losing count of the number of times, not that it mattered. Refresh. What mattered was the response. Refresh. From someone. Refresh. Anyone. Refresh. Why were the responses so slow in coming? Refresh. Was it her computer? Refresh. Was it the other users? Refresh. Being online was like candy, but better. Refresh. It was more like a super rich, super tasty, no fat, low cholesterol, no calorie, covered in chocolate, dipped in love, sprinkled with sunshine and nuts and topped with a cherry sort of candy. Refresh. Mind candy. Refresh. Refresh. Where was everybody? Refresh.

Twist

Candy sat next the Billy a thousand, maybe a million times over the course of their…friendship? No, not friendship. They grew up together. To Candy, Billy was not so much a friend, but more an ‘accessory.’ Much like that familiar key ring, or that comfortable sweatshirt that just always seemed to be there.

But today, for no reason at all, when he nudged her with his elbow as he had done a thousand, maybe a million times, she grabbed his face and kissed him.

What?

As the reality of the situation began to sink in, Bertrum realized two things almost immediately. One, there would be no time for all the witty retorts he had so carefully prepared for this moment. And two, there would be no good explanation for the lederhosen.

Future

The far too distant sun rose to reveal a bleak and barren landscape. Marcus squinted into the icy wind, dreading another day in the cold, where he seemed to do nothing but work to live. Yes, he supposed, in the grand scheme of things, there was reason for his existence, but he couldn’t grasp it. And being a penguin, the options to make meaningful changes to his life and the way he lived it were few and fleeting.

Fate

Today was supposed to be one of the most important days of his life.

He planned everything to the minute, yet now, for reasons he could not explain, he held two socks in his hands which clearly did not match.

It was all he had now.

And the crushing realization was that there was no time to alter the plan lest the whole house of cards come tumbling down.

So he drew a deep breath, slid the socks on and forged ahead.

For after all, that is who he was.