Six minutes into the broadcast reconfirmed everything Sal hated about watching local news.

The patronizing tones passed through a carousel of facial expressions used to help the viewer understand the meaning of the story performed on cue as if written into the script, and perhaps it was.

The woman was worse than the man. Her pout filled faux-sadness over the tragedy of the moment shifted unceremoniously to the cloying delivery of the feel good story “viewers won’t want to miss” at the end of the program. Sal feared it would be something akin to a cow overcoming the odds of nature and traveling 500 miles cross country to return home after being left behind on the family vacation to the Ozarks.

And really, who gets that excited about weather? He wanted to wipe the smile right off that guy’s face…with sandpaper. Then again, Sal thought, if he could go to work every day and be wrong as much as this guy – with no accountability – he would probably be as excited to do his job too.